truth about 'The Cleanse'

ugh, it's hard. like even cardboard smothered in alfredo sauce looks 

good hard. like last nights pizza burgers were talking to me hard.

like every processed, fatty, carb-loaded, creamy, salty food 

is calling my name saying "eat me, tricia. eat me!" hard.

 and lets not even start about what's been going on in the bathroom.

and i can't say that i haven't given in a couple of times. 

frozen yogurt with mad toppings, homemade burger with no bun might i add, and the unspeakable at work last night.

not good, but not toooo bad for my first 2 weeks. i can't think like that though!

if i really want this to work, i have to be more strict.

i need to keep reminding myself that the pros totally outweigh the cons.

PROS

i feel lighter

i'm losing weight

i feel stronger

my body and mind feel more clear

it's helping me make healthier decisions everyday

CONS

i want to eat everything!

everything looks delicious

carb, sugar, caffeine withdrawals 

i want to cook and bake all day long

bathroom nasty

Cleanse.

so i have heard a lot of conflicting information from friends:

"cleanses are pointless", "cleanses totally work", "just eat clean"

and i get it. for some people, it's easier to just eat clean and they're able

to loose weight, keep it off, and look amazing.

me: that's not the case.

i have no willpower. in fact, if i go out to eat and really want a salad, but there's

cheeseburgers on the menu, i'll start to get anxious about what to order and typically

get the burger. i cave. big time. 

sometimes it's to suppress my ridiculous anxiety, sometimes it's cause i just want an effin burger.

either way i need a change and i needed it to be semi-drastic. 

soooo... meet my new best friend!

that's right. Trader Joe's Hemp Protein Powder. i make a shake for breakfast, have 

a salad for lunch, and then make another shake for dinner. my shakes have typically

consisted of fruit and a spoonful of greek yogurt with some water to thin it out and ya know what? 

they're seriously not bad. they look like diarrhea and make me shit twigs and hippies,

but they taste like your everyday fruit smoothie.

we'll see how this works! i'm going to try it for a month and reevaluate at the end.

also! you should watch "fat, sick, and nearly dead". i know that i've seen commercials that you can

watch it for free on oxygen or something like that- do it! 

we've got a juicer and i just need to get my rear in gear and get stocked up on veggies.

i've got to go finish my shake (well... not a shake. Kevan ate all of the fruit and i almost 

freaked, but i mixed water, ice, lemon, and my powder in my mixer. it's surprisingly not bad

and i think it's going to become my every morning drank). 

frumpy.

this is what i feel like today

a big ol' pig.

although the weekend was a total blast,

the after effects of overindulgence has been weighing on me...

literally.

my cuzzie and i have started our own little version of weight watchers

and have been encouraging each other cross country, which has been great.

losing weight aint easy... especially the serious poundage i have packed on,

but it has really helped to have her there to hold me accountable and to

cheer each other on.

but alas... after losing weight and getting on track and feeling great about it,

4th of July came and shoved fat and beer down my throat.

yes... i understand that i am taking all personal blame off of myself

and putting it onto a fabulous holiday and that is not the way to recovery.

whatever

either way... i chose to put everything into my mouth and now i feel frumpy

 sad face

BUT!

i will get back on track!

i will lose weight!

i will be hot and sexxxy again!

look out Kimmy K!